Your Ideal Body, or “I don’t want to get too big”.

Lately, I’ve been talking about my own journey in bodybuilding with others. Not by my own will, as I don’t really talk in detail about the physical transformation I’ve gone through in the last years. It’s not something I ever bring up by myself.

Mainly, this happens more than before because there was a huge change in my life a few months ago. I won’t go into details because who the hell cares, but let’s just say that whoever is writing my life decided I had grown too comfortable this season and decided to Shayamalan my shit. In the fallout of the big twist, I was left with a deep necessity to meet new people and rekindle old friendships I might have neglected. It’s extremely difficult for me, especially now that I’m older, but it’s something that I’ve had to do and have done pretty well.

Nowadays, when I meet new people, the first thing they see is a big hairy guy, and “what did you do to get big?” is a question that asks itself. Not because I’m so striking and monstrous, but because it’s an obvious ice-breaker in social situations. Now, like I said, I’ve also been busy trying to renew friendships with people who hadn’t seen me in years, when I was 100+ lbs smaller, inches shorter, and didn’t have a hair on my face (then, the question generally is “What the fuck happened to you?”, to which I like replying “A big wolf bit me”).

This leads to me having the same conversation and Q&A every time I find myself in a social event. I don’t mind of course; talking about bodybuilding to me is as fun as talking about movies, videogames or shooting the shit of any kind—I enjoy it. The only thing that bothers me is that these conversations seem scripted, so at one point it gets boring. I always get the same questions and I always give the same answers like a disgraced politician doing damage control.

Generally these conversations take place with people who aren’t as skinny as I was (because people who are as skinny as I was don’t like to openly tell a big guy “I want to get big too!”), but still either want to get more muscular or pretend to so we can keep talking without any awkward silences.

You know what’s the one constant comment?

“Help me out; I’d love bigger muscles! Just remember I don’t want to get too bulky, you know?”

It’s incredible how often people tell me this when they ask me, or anyone (it’s also a mantra in beginner bodybuilding forums), for bodybuilding advice. I would be surprised if the idea hasn't crossed your own mind as you read this blog. Hell, when I was helping my brother out when he opened his Crossfit gym, part of what I did was welcome prospective patrons and explain what were the goings-on in the Crossfit gym. Luckily for them, and my brother, “You don’t get all huge and bulky!” is an effective selling point.

The face of regret.

“Too huge” or "too bulky", in this context, implicitly refers to bodies like Phil Heath (pictured), Kai Greene, Ronnie Coleman, or any pro who has graced a FLEX cover in the last thirty years. This, as opposed to a lean but defined body you would find under the shirts of Mattthew McConaughey or that guy from "Drive". While I don’t share the opinion, I understand why the idea of being so muscular is unappealing to most.

Yes, there are a million misconceptions about bodybuilding, so why should I write a blog post dedicated to this one in particular?

Because a lot of people don’t want to start lifting heavy weights and begin their growth because they’re afraid they’ll get “too huge”. Now, if I take several steps back, I can more or less see why someone would ask this, but it’s still  hard for me not to find this concern extremely absurd. 

Let me explain.

All right, first off: you could purposefully cycle every anabolic steroid, HGH and testosterone shot for the next five years and you probably still won’t have that body you want to avoid. Nasser el Sonbaty didn’t reach 330 lbs accidentally; he worked extremely hard to get and maintain the body he had. Bodybuilding in that professional level is a 24/7 job that requires extreme care to exercise, diet, a lot of focus and of course the intelligent and controlled use of very specific drugs. It’s not something you acquire unless you really, really want it. And even if you really, really wanted it, it’s likely you won’t get there anyway.

Here's another way to look at it. Would you stop practising on your guitar because "I'm afraid I'll become amazing at it"? Of course not. Even if you wanted to, it's not likely you will.

So here’s what I like to ask. What exactly is the fear of people who want to avoid “getting too bulky”? That one day they’re gonna fall asleep after a huge meal and a beastly time at the gym, and then wake up the next day on a broken bed and wearing torn PJs because they accidentally hulked out of them overnight?

“Oh fiddlesticks!” they’d growl in a frightening new basso. “Now I gone done it! I got too big and ladies won’t want my bulky freak ass!”

"Cruel fate! What have I done to deserve this!"

See how absurd it is? Getting huge isn’t something that just happens suddenly or accidentally. It’s a very slow (though very rewarding) process. What does this mean? It means that your growth is going to be gradual and deliberate and you won’t gain a single pound unless you want to gain it.

Again, what does this mean? It means that you’ll always be in complete control of your body size and you’ll know exactly when you’re finally in the body you always wanted.

And the cool thing that a lot of people don’t realize is that figuring out your exact dream body is harder than you think. You never know how your perception of yourself and your wishes will change as your body does. Maybe right now you want to gain 10 pounds so you can look like an Abercrombie model, but you don’t know if in a year you realize that it’s a body like Thor’s what gets the ladies going, and you’ll now want to gain another 50 pounds. But what if during the two years it took you to gain those 50 pounds you grew attached to bodybuilding and you suddenly want to look like Lou Ferrigno.

Right now you don’t know what you do or don't want, but that’s a good thing because you’ll always be in control. And hell, if one day you realize that you no longer want to be big, you can always get smaller. It’s not a one way street. You’re not burning any bridges with every curl. Remember the “muscle turns into fat!” thing is the dumbest myth in the sport; muscle can’t turn into fat any more than gold can turn into a lemon cake.

TL;DR: The absurd fear of getting a body you don’t want right now should never deter your wish to get out of a body in which you’re already unhappy.

7 Common Noobie Bodybuilding Mistakes To Avoid.

Basically this will be a quick review of all the other “Bodybuilding 101” posts I’ve done thus far.

As I had said before, bodybuilding at any level is a tough cookie. If it wasn’t, we’d have many more muscular people walking around. I think that it’s only tough when we don’t really have enough information to help us avoid the pitfalls that make 90% of noob weightlifters quit. If we know what we’re doing—and more importantly what we shouldn’t do—bodybuilding is easier than you can imagine.

So here you are, looking to get bigger, and here I am trying to show you the stuff I’ve learned during my own yet unfinished journey. In yours, you’re surely going to face at least seven evils, so let me try to prepare you for all of them (is this badass motivating enough? Feeling like a fantasy hero yet?).

In order of how they’re probably going to come, here they are.

1. Impatience.

Shit. You’ve been working out really hard during these last few weeks, and what does that asshole sitting on your bathroom floor tell you about your weight gain? Only four goddamn pounds! Fuck that thing. Fuck all of this. It’s not worth it.

Don't let this asshole control your life.

Well, isn’t it? You have to think it through. You had to know you weren’t going to immediately hulk out (though again if you do things right you’ll feel you have), but it's too much effort for such measly gains. The only thing left to do is evaluate your routine and be completely sure that you are doing things right and then be patient. Do it right, and your muscles will grow.

Guaranteed. 

2. Losing motivation.

There are a million things that can make you lose motivation. You're not seeing enough gains. Your stupid friend says you look like a douchebag. You don't feel like yourself anymore. Whatever it is, you need to make sure if all this hard work for a larger body is really worth it. Generally, it is. Trust me.

You're most likely to lose motivation because you're not as big as you wanted to be when you first imagined yourself hitting the gym. Like I said in another post, this is my absolute golden rule:

Don’t look forward to the moment you’ll be monstrous; look forward to the moment you’ll be bigger than you are now. It’s not far away at all.

It’s as easy as that. Every few pounds will be 100% noticeable and not only to you but to everyone else. All you need to do is to keep working until that moment when you notice you’re really changing (clothes not fitting, constant comments from others, etc.). If you do things right, you’ll be seeing those changes much sooner than you think.

Another thought. A lot of people frown upon semi-muscular guys wearing XXS t-shirts just to look bigger. Does it sound douchy? Yeah. Is it douchy? Maybe. But honestly, if making yourself look bigger through placebos will keep you motivated, go ahead and buy the smallest goddamn shirt you see. When you're bigger, your muscles will speak for themselves under an XXL.

3. Shitty diet.

You might have started eating more than you ate before, and that is great, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re eating enough to grow. Always remember the nutrition post and review what you’re doing with your diet to be completely sure you’re eating enough, because here’s the thing: if you are eating enough, there is absolutely no reason why you wouldn’t gain weight. So here’s the pro tip:

If you’re not gaining any weight, the first thing you should review is your diet. If you’re 100% certain you’re eating enough go right ahead and fucking eat more.

4. Overtraining.

This is very common for people who begin enjoying exercise and see their muscles grow. It’s easy to assume that more exercise would logically equal more muscle, but this isn’t the case, as I said in this post, your muscles grow when you’re asleep, not at the gym. Your muscles need rest to grow, so if you keep assaulting them, you won’t give them a chance to recover and your gains will stop.

So the advice to give here is to hold your fucking horses and let your body rest. If you try to accelerate growth by spending 10 hours at the gym, that guy who’s intelligently lifting less than you will soon be bigger.

5. Too many supplements.

I like to blame/credit the cartoons we saw as kids for the ideal of a supplement, and the jokes we hear as adults for their bad reputation. We used to see cartoon characters take some pills andinstantly become hulks. I know we consciously know this isn’t in any way possible, but there is a part of us who’d like to believe it is, if only in some capacity.

I know this is true because supplement companies like to hang onto that fantasy. If you read the labels of things like Muscle Asylum Project products, you’ll see blurbs like this gem:

“For individuals devoted to building 21-inch guns, growing a 50-inch chest, benching 4-plates, forcing yourself into an XXXL shirt, and living the life of a bodybuilding freakshow.* [Actual Quote]

Yeah, you fucking wish it was this easy.

*statements not reviewed by the FDA.

Doesn't that sound fucking great? Of course it does but with bodybuilding supplements, "Too good to be true" is a mantra you have to repeat to yourself. These guys are catering to our little fantasy of almost immediately transforming into a muscular freak from drinking some magic serum. It’s important that you don’t buy into that because taking too many supplements is not only very expensive but also dangerous.

While there are supplements that will definitely help you safely (we’ll discuss them soon), it’s important you don’t just take every pill you see the GNC rep recommending. This leads me right into problem number 6:

 6. Not enough supplements.

Here’s the truth: supplements are extremely useful, as supplementation. This means as an non-imperative addition to a solid diet and exercise regimen. There is nothing—not even the very dangerous steroids that do create Kai Greenes and Ronnie Colemans—that will instantly make your muscles grow.

But that doesn’t mean you should steer away from all supplements. I generally like to recommend that you start your bodybuilding experience (to say, the first 8 or so weeks of training) without supplements because 1, you don’t need them at your current size; 2, you’re better off learning how to diet properly for now.

However, once you’re past that initial phase of your training and you’ve put on a few pounds, it’s definitely recommended that you do begin exploring and experimenting with safe supplements like whey protein, creatine (which I personally have never used, but has many proven anabolic benefits), multivitamins, et al.

If your gains have stopped, and you’re currently staying away from supplements altogether, it’s a good idea to begin looking into them. They’ll definitely help. My favorite site for reviews is this. Bookmark it.

It’s extremely important that you research and read reviews for everything you decide to put in your body.

I had a very bad experience with a supplement once, and I’d hate to see it happen to you.

 7. Not enough rest.

You think it's a coincidence lions are big? No sir!

Not an extension of overtraining, because even if you are only training the 60-90 minute workout that’s recommended, it won’t help much if you don’t get enough rest. By rest I don’t mean every passing moment when you don’t have a dumbbell in your hands; I mean sleep.

8 hours of sleep, even if they have to be aggregated through naps, are necessary for your body to grow. Do your very best to get enough sleep.

And that is it. Remember all these tips because they’re pretty much the only real mistakes you could be making that will stop your gains at this point. Remember this:

There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with your body. If you’re not growing, you’re doing something wrong.

See you for the topic-specific posts starting now!